Family Self-Esteem

January 25, 2021

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            I remember being in my kindergarten class and sitting on the big round carpet. My teacher, fondly known as Mrs. M&M, asked the class if we knew what the word “self-esteem” meant. After a period of silence, she explained that it’s how we think about ourselves—do we like ourselves? Is there anything we don’t like? While this isn’t the most vivid memory, I look back on it and think about how important this lesson was. My now 30-year-old self still struggles with self-esteem as she works with families and teenagers to help build up theirs’.

Self-esteem is made up of personal worth and a sense personal competence. Over time, our self-esteem develops parallel to our physical growth and just like habits, it begins at a very young age and the family environment can affect the way we view ourselves and others significantly.

According to a study done at the University of Washington, by age 5 children have a sense of self-esteem comparable in strength to that of adults

[1]. In addition, family dynamics plays an important role in the development of the whole family’s self-esteem. So what can parents and caregivers do to help build up their children’s self-worth from a young age?

  1. Use positive language to describe yourself in front of your children. Positive words give children confidence and help build a sense of positive body image.
    • Remember, you are a role model!
    • Avoid negative language such as,
      • “I look fat, I need to go on a diet,” or
      • “My thighs look huge in these jeans, I better go on Atkins and lose 10 pounds.”
  2. Serve nutritious meals and snacks using the MyPlate method [2].
    • Healthy eating is associated with better self-esteem and fewer emotional and peer problems, such as having fewer friends or being picked on or bullied, in children regardless of body weight, according to a study published in the open access journal BMC Public Health [3]. 
    • Allow children to serve themselves food, which allows them to feel independent.
  3. When giving children words of encouragement, use Process Praise.
    • Process praise means using “noticing language” to reinforce good behaviors, such as:
      • “I see you tried the carrots today! How do they taste?”
      • “Wow! You worked so hard to learn to balance on your bicycle!”
      •  “That’s very kind of you to help your sister clean up.”

[1] https://www.washington.edu/news/2015/11/02/childrens-self-esteem-already-established-by-age-5-new-study-finds/#:~:text=By%20age%205%20children%20have,by%20University%20of%20Washington%20researchers.&text=Our%20findings%20suggest%20that%20self,%2Ddirector%20of%20I%2DLABS.

[2] https://www.myplate.gov/

[3]https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/12/171213220122.htm#:~:text=Healthy%20eating%20is%20associated%20with,adherence%20to%20healthy%20eating%20guidelines

Additional Resource: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/effects-of-parental-involvement-on-self-confidence-and-self-esteem-0716134

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